Dating by texting

"I hear about fights escalating over text all the time in my therapy practice," Dr. "Someone is having a bad day and reads everything with a negative tone, so the slightest ambiguous message is suddenly an insult." If people who are literally married still struggle understanding each other through their phones, what chance does everyone else stand?

Turns out, just as much as anyone dating pre-i Phones did, if you're willing to prioritize in-person hangs as much as you possible so you have more visual cues. Saedi herself married someone who didn't share her texting habits: "When I was dating my husband, he was a fairly infrequent texter. Ideally, not baring your soul." If you're at a point in your relationship where you don't see each other a lot during the week yet, that's OK too.

Either way, it’s important to note whether they’re putting in the effort to learn more about you as a person. "Guys tend to be more direct, so if they're interested in you, they will be actually thinking of when they're going to see you,” Dr. This could be for various reasons, such as you don’t want to come off as eager, or you have nothing better to do.

"Guys don't like texting back and forth endlessly, so if they're doing it in the beginning [then] they're doing it with an intention, and then they're going back to what they feel more comfortable with, which is texts just for the exchange of basic information such as, "Okay, I'll see you at 10 o'clock," Dr. So, while this type of behavior may not last forever in established relationships, the fact that he’s texting you to learn more about you now can be a major indicator of interest. Wanis emphasizes the fact that girls generally enjoy texting more than guys do, so you’ll find it much easier to fall into these types of conversations with a girl! We’ll let you in on a little secret—these are huge no-nos! He tells you what he's doing, he asks what you're doing, and then he asks you out on a date." It’s important to note that not everyone moves at the same speed, so don’t be discouraged if the person you’re talking to hasn’t asked you out on a date within the first couple days—he could just not be ready yet! Wanis stresses that guys are more direct, especially with texting, while girls are more subtle. "Just be honest.” Both girls and guys will certainly appreciate the honesty! Pay attention to how he or she is expressing interest, especially from a girl.

"Texting can definitely skew how individuals come across," says Dr.

Saedi, noting that these discrepancies in communication styles usually matter less with friends.

In reality, someone who is interested will respond as soon as they can and will actually want to. If you're not able to respond at that moment because you're studying, busy, or working, then you write back later and say, "'Hey I got your text earlier today, this is the first chance I've had to respond.’” Yup, it’s really as simple as that! So, while it is a whole lot easier to receive a direct answer, ladies leave more delicate cues—pay attention to the small details! If your text exchange turns flirty, then maybe toss out a feeler or two to see how she responds.


You talk for five hours on a weeknight, you don't run into any awkward silences, and you plan date No. But in the days leading up to it, something weird happens: You realize your texting chemistry is, well, .

Maybe the other person only says "haha" when you send memes.


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