“You can’t get to know someone solely and in a meaningful way over texting,” she says.So, instead of trying to learn the person's life story, she advises, “Keep the texting as a flirting tool to send a good morning or good night text, but not in place of meeting on a date, where the physical chemistry and conversation can allow the heart to open up to the possibilities of forming a relationship.”For Hoffman, it’s even more simple.To help figure out what the "right" amount of time to text is before going on a date, I reached out to online dating experts.They explain why the timeline between digital and real life contact may be shorter than you think, and how to know when and if you're ready to take that next step. When it comes to making the move from digital chat to real-life chat, my tactic was always to move slowly and really get to know the person well before moving on to setting up an actual date.Texting builds an almost intimate bond that can sometimes make it harder to meet face-to-face, because now your meeting is fraught and full of high stakes.That being said, you should do some pre-date texting to check for deal-breakers, and more importantly, for safety reasons.
According to dating expert and licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala, the timeline should be more in the range of “two to three days, enough to establish safety but not enough time to know important things about them via text instead of in person.
“You want to keep the texting light, playful and short-lived before the first date,” Hoffman tells Elite Daily. Because texting creates a false sense of intimacy that may lead to oversharing, since “when you are getting to know someone over text, you inevitably end up sharing things that you would never say face-to-face.”In my experience, the longer you draw out the pre-texting, the less likely you actually end up connecting in real life.